Tuesday, December 17, 2013

Rite of Passage

At this very moment, I am over-the-top, head-over-heels involved in a bedroom makeover project. I am redoing Amelia's bedroom for Christmas/her birthday--no longer will she have plain walls and random non-matching furniture, which she has had her entire life. My girl is getting a "Big Girl" room, complete with "Big Girl" bed. All kids eventually grow out of nurseries and into more age-appropriate rooms. It happens all the time.

Except this is more than just redecorating a room. Much, much more.

When I was pregnant and was told Amelia wouldn't survive, I didn't allow myself to buy anything for a girl. No pink, no purple. No flowers. No lace. Looking at those things while I was still pregnant was literally painful. All of those gorgeous, girly things were for a feminine space, and I wouldn't be bringing home a girl. It was hard. It hurt more than I can describe.

When Amelia was born, and we were told that she didn't have Trisomy 18, we celebrated.  However, we were given many, MANY words of caution. She was still tiny. She was still in a very, very precarious situation. Every day that went by was bathed in uncertainty. And so I didn't buy anything girly. No soft pastel colors. No plush, pink bunny rabbits. No special going-home ensembles. I couldn't let myself hope. I couldn't risk my heart. I couldn't bear the thought of looking at those things in my home and not having a girl to whom they'd belong. I just couldn't. So I didn't. I didn't even buy her a car seat until she was ready to take the car seat test required by the NICU to go home.

When Amelia came home on oxygen, I felt more safe, but not out of the woods. She was still so tiny--less than 4 pounds--and so fragile. We had been given no diagnosis and had absolutely zero idea of what to expect from her both developmentally and health-wise. So, although she had a crib, her room remained undecorated. Plain beige walls. A few picture frames, but nothing else. This is how it stands at this very moment. Plain.

Here we are, almost five years later. My girl is growing (albeit slowly). She is developing at an amazing rate. She's funny, and smart, and very VERY girly. She has worked her ass off her entire life, and has absolutely, 100% earned a room that matches her personality. She deserves a room, a space that is marked as hers, to show her absolute permanence, determination.

So no, this isn't your average room redecorating. This is both something for her AND something for me, for my mama heart. Something I longed to do almost exactly five years ago (we were told she wouldn't survive in November 2008), but couldn't. This is so much more than paint and furniture and art. We both need this.

Stay tuned for pictures. She knows we are doing something, but she hasn't seen anything. It's mostly a surprise. Big shout-out to Nana and Papaw; she'll be going to visit with them for a few days while the transformation takes place. I. CANNOT. WAIT.

Also, as an aside, I'm using customized art from this Etsy store. It is absolutely what I would call my ideal art for a child's bedroom. Whimsical, gorgeous, it exudes happiness. I've been in touch with Phyllis Harris personally, and she has been A-MAZING to work with. I highly recommend if you're in the market for childrens' art.

1 comment:

  1. She truly is a miracle!! You both deserve this!! I can't wait to see the final results.