Smokin' Hot...

On the eve of my fun surgical procedure (click at your own risk), I'm feeling...well, I don't know what I'm feeling. Today was a day of jokes...my awesome co-workers (and I really do love them...promise) provided an endless supply of burning-of-the-uterus jokes.  Smokin' hot, burn-out, en fuego...you get it.  In fact, I joined in on the action. I absolutely face stress with humor. I figure you can either laugh, or you can cry. Given the choice, I will always choose laughter.

I'm a bit sentimental though. Yeah, I'm technically "Advanced Maternal Age", so having more kids isn't the best idea anyway, but man do I have some baby fever.  A co-worker and friend brought her baby to work this week, and I swear, he was like crack. He smelled good, he cooed, he did the whole lay-on-your-shoulder-like-a-sack-of-flour thing. He was precious. I want one. I want one bad. My kids are at the perfect age to have another. And yet...my body (not to mention Marty's) has other ideas. Infertility is a bitch...excuse my language, but there's no other way to put it. Anything less harsh doesn't do it justice.

On the flip side, I'm so happy with what I've got.  I would say "I'm blessed", but I kind of hate that phrase.  Sometimes people say it to you when you ask how they're doing and it comes across as almost haughty, like they have something you don't have. It gets to me--but that's a great way to put it. I'm lucky. I have two fantastic, entertaining, miraculous children. My heart is seriously full every time I'm around them. There's this scene in what is probably my absolute favorite movie of all time--Lost in Translation. Charlotte (Scarlett Johansson) and Bob (Bill Murray) are talking about marriage and having children. Here's their exchange:

Bob: It gets a whole lot more complicated when you have kids.

Charlotte:  It’s scary.

Bob: The most terrifying day of your life is the day the first one is born.

Charlotte: Nobody ever tells you that.

Bob: Your life, as you know it… is gone. Never to return. But they learn how to walk, and they learn how to talk… and you want to be with them. And they turn out to be the most delightful people you will ever meet in your life.

Charlotte: That’s nice...

It's the most perfect quote to describe parenthood. My kids ARE delightful. I delight in them every single day--even when Anderson tries to delay the bed time routine about 10 times...even when Amelia is so engrossed in Mickey Mouse that I can't get her to answer a single question. Always. They're just awesome.

So...I say goodbye to fertility with mixed feelings. Sad that things weren't different. Happy for what I've got. Grateful. Wistful for what might've been. The procedure starts at 1:15--wish me luck.