Wednesday, September 18, 2013

Making Contact

**Disclaimer: if there are any missing periods in this post, it's because the button on this laptop is sticking horribly. It is NOT bad writing.

I'm big on oral hygiene here in the Jones household. I have a condition which leaves the enamel on my own teeth very weak; combine that with "deep crevices", and you end up with a person who pretty much leaves every dentist appointment with a filling.  As I've shared with you before, we have a fun (read: painful after three months of doing it) bedtime teethbrushing routine, which helps me sleep at night because I know that the kids' teeth are taken care of appropriately, so that hopefully they won't have a life of miserable dentist appointments like me.

Part of getting them more into brushing has been electric toothbrushes.  With Anderson, I knew it could go either way--he'd either really LOVE it, or really HATE it.  Fortunately, he loved it. I love it, too--I feel like it buys me time in their mouths brushing because they tolerate it better, and it gets their teeth cleaner. Unfortunately, when the kids get sick, we like to replace their toothbrushes. Now, I'm not talking Sonicare for the kids; I just get the cheap-ish little battery-operated toothbrushes. Still, they cost more than plain brushes, and I hate wasting money on those kinds of things.

Recently, we went through a little round of stomach bugs at home, which of course prompted me to get new brushes for the kids. Quite frankly, I wasn't liking the thought of shelling out ten bucks for toothbrushes. Yeah, yeah...I know that's not a lot of money at all. It's just the principle of the matter. Then, the Target Gods shined their heavenly light down on me and there they were--CLEARANCE electric toothbrushes! With convenient two-minute blinking light timer to encourage proper brushing time! Barbie! And Spider Man! It couldn't have been more perfect. I snapped up the last two clearance brushes and excitedly took them home. Of course, the kids were thrilled with them. Lights and sounds and the Mommy Dentist--there was Great Excitement in our house at bed time.

For a few days, all things were normal.  Then, one night as we were collapsing in exhaustion onto our respective couches after our ever-growing bed time routine, I heard a very odd noise. My first thought was that one of the kids was up and playing with something in their room. I jumped up, prepared to do battle with a stubborn four year old. However, as I stood crouched between their doors, ready to throw open the door and catch the offender red-handed, I realized it was not in fact a misbehaving child, but rather a rogue toothbrush.  At first it sounded like this...

"bzzzzzzz, bzzzzzzzz."

Then, later, it was a full-on two minute buzzing and flashing. Hmm.

Every day since that time, the possessed toothbrush has randomly come on. Generally it starts at the most inopportune times--like when we are trying to get Anderson to focus on peeing before bed (he finds it HYSTERICAL...), or when I'm trying to sneak a nap on the couch for ten minutes while the kids play outside with Marty. I got all settled in and was just dozing off when I heard that stupid buzzing--it scared the crap out of me. The next night, as he laid on the couch with his eyes half-closed, I begged Marty to get one of his mini-screwdrivers and take the battery out.  His solution was just to close the bathroom door. This doesn't work for me because I have an aversion to repetitive noise. Thank God for my air purifier and its magical white noise.

 Sometimes, I can almost convince myself that it's Morse code, and that someone is contacting me.  Is it the St. Dentistine, the saint of good oral hygiene commending me for tricking my children into letting brush and floss their teeth? Or St. Motherwell, the patron saint of good parenting, trying to tell me that Mickey Mouse Clubhouse does not count as an educational experience? Regardless, the toothbrush is STILL. GOING.  As much as it has come on in the last week, you would think that the batteries would be dead.  Seriously.  When we finally take the battery out, Marty is sure that the Energizer Bunny himself is going to jump out. Regardless, I'm getting a little freaked out. Time for another Target trip.

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