Wednesday, September 3, 2014

Kindergarten Comedy

I've known for years that kindergartners are funny little people. I love going into our K classrooms and just talking to the kids because they say some hilarious stuff (sidenote: I love kindergartners. I could never teach kindergarten.  I do not have the patience, and those teachers are saints). My own K babies are no exception to this rule. We've had some pretty funny conversations around here since the dynamic duo started their educational career.  A few highlights:


The kids are supposed to listen to reading every night as part of homework.  I don't know about you all, but we honestly don't have time for me to read two different stories to two kindergartners. So, while they have their bedtime snack after showers, I read out loud to them.  They weren't keen on this at first, but it's grown on them. Amelia has always been a good listener and can answer questions, make predictions, all of that good stuff.  Anderson...well...he has the attention span of a flea, and that's putting it mildly.  That first night, he kept trying to talk to me about all things non-related to the book.  As often happens with teacher moms, I was getting very frustrated. We had the following exchange:

Anderson:  Mom, I played outside today...
Me:  Anderson--I'm reading. Listen to the book.
Anderson:  Can I have a sandwich for lunch?
Me:  LISTEN to the story!
Anderson:  You know what mom? I can't take showers when my nose is runny....
Anderson:  Mom...
Me (loudly and with the correct hand gesture--and you know what I mean): ZIP IT!!!!!!  ZIP!!!! IT!!!!!!
I continue reading.  Anderson doesn't talk, but I can see him gesturing wildly out of the corner of my eye, trying to get my attention. I ignore. He continues. I finally look at him.
Me: WHAT??????
Anderson (whispering and pointing to his mouth): But I don't have a zipper....


Upon getting in the van each day, Amelia doesn't want to talk about what she learned at school that day. She wants to tell me all about who got in trouble. As a nosy concerned parent, I'm all for this kind of dishing.  It may not be a stretch to even say that maybe I ask her about it now. Anyway, last week she got in the van and here was our conversation:

Amelia:  I'm friend Hannah just got in trouble.
Me:  What did she get in trouble for?
Amelia: She hit my brother...she had to sit in time out.
Me (foolishly thinking she might be upset for this injustice thrust upon her brother):  Ohhh...are you sad that your brother was hit, or are you sad because she got in trouble??
Amelia:  I'm sad she got in trouble!
Me:  Well, why did she hit Anderson?
Amelia:  Well...I said to her, "Get him!!!", and she did.
Me:  Ummm....well...did you play with her after she got out of time out?
Amelia;  No. She didn't want to play with me after that.

Can't say I blame Hannah. My girl is already hiring hitmen.


Anderson, naturally, has speech.  His speech pathologist is wonderful and was kind enough to email me something Anderson said during his first official speech session. He attends speech with another student, and apparently this little guy is quite...loquacious.  He tends to try to dominate the conversation.  Anyway, here's what happened:

Anderson (to Speech Pathologist, hereby known as SP):  I want to tell you about showers...
Other kid:  Blah blah blah blahblahblahblah....
Anderson: HEY! I was trying to tell...(he looks at the SP), what's your name?
SP:  Mrs. H...
Anderson:  I was trying to tell Mrs. H about something!!!!!

She was impressed with his speech that day, I can tell you. He's already cracking everyone up.


I know there are more funnies that I can't even remember in my overtired state.  We've already had our first funk-of-the-year; Anderson threw up at school yesterday and ran a fever all night.  His teacher texted to ask about him and let me know he was the first to "christen" her classroom this year (aka puke all over the place). Proud mom here, I'll tell ya. He also managed to puke all over my couch, something I had been able to avoid for FIVE YEARS. That was a hell of a streak. Anyway, I'm tired and staring at Amelia like the ticking time bomb that she is. Yay, kindergarten germs!

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