Wednesday, August 28, 2013

Miley Cyrus and My Uterus, Among Other Things

Well, that's quite the title, isn't it?

Everybody's talking about Miley Cyrus right now, so I'm jumping on that band wagon. I don't watch the VMAs, mostly because the music I like is not really represented. I also honestly can't stand the "show dog-ness" of it all. Now, from what I hear, Miley proclaimed that she would give a killer performance in interviews on the red carpet, saying that she'd outdo Madonna and the rest of the shock-value seekers. So, people shouldn't have been surprised.  I've read a gazillion blog entries this week, talking about what trash she's become, how we shouldn't let our daughters become like Miley, etc. etc.  I agree with those things, but I'm not all advocat-ey (new word!) because despite the fact that my daughter is only four, I feel confident that she will not in fact strive to be Miley Cyrus, at least during her painful years under my watchful eye and roof. Because I won't allow it, period. Sure, if she wants to go all skank when she's 18, I guess she can do that--she'll be a legal adult, and she will have enough money to live elsewhere (because my house has a strict "No Skanks Allowed" policy). I like to think I'll raise her to think that intellect is cooler than shock value, and that good music doesn't have to come at the cost of one's morals and dignity. But I digress.  The thing that stuck out to me about her performance--well beyond the inappropriateness--was that it made absolutely NO. DAMN. SENSE.  None at all, unless you were hitting the crack pipe, and even then, it's a toss-up.  She came out of a giant, crazed teddy bear's belly, for gods' sake.  She stuck her tongue out, not so much in the 'I'm-trying-to-seduce-you' manner as the 'I-want-to-devour-you-and-crunch-up-your-bones' manner.  She flounced and bounced around men wearing gigantic bear backpacks, and attempted to dance, but it didn't resemble ANY dance moves I've ever seen. Then, I'm pretty sure she scared the shit out of Robin Thicke, with that nasty foam finger that she rubbed just about everywhere. He seemed to be a good sport but I feel certain he feared for his life--and his reputation.  I mean, there was no story line! It made absolutely zero sense. It was funny...I kept thinking that she looked like someone I'd seen before. No, not a character in Beetle Juice, although I've seen those pictures all over the interwebs and they're funny! It came to me this morning, while I was packing my lunch, and Marty agreed. Remember the movie The Lion King?  She is a dead ringer for Ed, the low IQ, mentally challenged hyena...
RIGHT????
So...my problem with Mylie is less about her outright nastiness and more about her sanity. And the possibility of her developing dry tongue. I see a 5150 hold in her future...

In other news...

~~Today was originally scheduled as the date my fun uterine ablation procedure. However, about a week or so ago, I realized that I just have WAY too much on my plate at work right now to be missing a few days. It's a busy time, I have a mandatory Title 1 meeting tomorrow...it just wasn't going to work. I rescheduled for September 25th. So, I get to hang on to the shreds of my fertility for another month. Quick--anyone have $18,000 lying around???

~~Two weeks into the year, and we're already dealing with funk around this house. Preschool called yesterday to say that Anderson had thrown up everywhere and had a temp of 101.5. Yee-haw. I knew it would happen but wasn't really thinking it would happen so early.  Seems my little guy is a bit afraid of throwing up, like his mama. However, he did manage to laugh after he threw up all over one of his teacher's shoes. Fortunately she's awesome and laughed because he was laughing, so it's all good.  Today, when I picked Amelia up, everyone asked about how Anderson was doing. His teacher from last year, Amelia's teacher from last year, everyone I passed. I cannot say enough about my love for Lexington Hearing and Speech Center (which is not just for kids who need speech, by the way!  There are a LOT of teachers' kids who attend; there's a reason, people!). Those teachers make me feel like my kids are the most loved children in the school--and I know that they're not. They treat everyone that way. Anyway, Anderson came home and laid around all night, fell asleep on the couch. Had a tiny bit of diarrhea when he woke up and has been fine ever since. Now Marty and I are just basically staring at Amelia, waiting for it to hit her.  Good times, I tell ya, when you have kids who share the germs.

Well, I'm off to stare at my little ticking puke time bomb for awhile.  But seriously....

I'm right. Admit it.

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